A comic?

[emjen]

Hello, I've written this for a short comic, about 12 pages and because I didn't know jack about how to write for a comic I just wrote is as a screenplay, so thats why you might find some rules bent or broken or some things added just because I could.

I was hoping you could give me some help with feedback, I like it the way it is now but that's because I know what it's about, and you don't.

Here is the direct link: http://dpfuva.utwente.nl/DPF/uva-fgw...xt?OpenElement

[jbridges]

I really liked the story. I was expecting something a little more like a morality play in the end. I like the use of trolls voice over as the story they are telling is the video bed. Seems like something that will flow very well. I just think it might need a stronger ending. Sorry that's all I can help.

[emjen]

Well thanks anyway, I might agree with you on the ending and add something more, not to add moral but to give an end to Lovro's character anyway.

So, 50 views and only one reply? What about the ones who read the beginning and thought it was lame? I can learn from that as well. (Well, kind of.) (What I meant was, give me some crits you idiots).

And those of you who didn't read it, it's about a boy being teased because his name is funny and because he talks in himself. He finds a voicerecorder, and wanting to get rid of his problem he from now on only speaks into his recorder. But when he rewinds and listens to it he hears (cue cracking voiceover) something else entirely...